Thoughts and such
Its December. And Im not 17 Anymore. And I havent been 17 for a long time (1/16/25)
Recently I went home for winter break to my hometown and childhood bedroom. Something felt off, but I thought it was just because some of my posters fell and the shelves were dusty. So I cleaned, reorganzied, and unpacked. But nothing changed. I used to love this room with my whole heart. But now I feel out of place in here. I don't fit in. I am no longer the 17 year old girl who loved cartoons, the cranberries, and sage green. I am no longer the girl who put her all into indoor percussion every week. I am no longer the girl who was in love with a man who didn't care at all. All the small things remind me of all I ever was. Drawings I made at 13 crowd my closet, medals from varois competitions are displayed by my window, friendship bracelets from girls I havent seen in months sit on my desk, dried flowers decorate every corner, old photos with old friends decorate my wall. I used to see this room as my favorite place in the whole world where I could be anyone I wanted. Now I feel like a guest in someone elses bedroom. My dreams do not reside here anymore. I feel the same way about this website. After this entry I'm not sure if I will touch this website again. It gives me the same feeling as my room. This website used to be my favorite thing to work on, but now I feel like I am the outsider looking in. I might create a new website in the future, but this website does not feel like my own anymore. Is this what growing up feels like? I don't know. But either way its been so lovely running this website, and I love everyone in the neocities community so much. Keep createing! Goodbye for now internet stranger :)
Last day of Senior Year???
Wow. I can't beleive that Im finally done with high school. Forever. Today was my last day and I have mixed feelings. On one hand I could not stay in this school for another year. The environment is horrible and most people are cruel. The adminstration does not care about anyone besides the wealthy, popular, white students, and will do nothing when a student is being blatently bullied. Its upsetting to say the least. I am going to miss a small group of people though. The girl who always stuck by me in gym class, my robo class, the close knit group of band kids that make band a family, the girls who always made me feel welcome at lunch, and all the amazing people ive met. Im going to miss them loads. I never thought I would be this sad to leave this school behind ever, but here I am. I miss everyone already. If you know/knew me in high school I love you so much. You are so talented, smart, capable, kind, and hard-working. Dont let anyone tell you anything differant.
Senior Year Classes? [01/19/23]
Its so crazy to think that senior year is so close for me. Honestly didn't think I'd make it this far and that this day will come so soon. In my head, im still a 6th grader who was dancing around her room to "Implicit Demand for Proof". I went last week to pick out my classes for senior year and here's what I got: Ap Compsci A, precalc, AP Lit, Spanish, Gym, Jazz, Robo, and Band. Most of these classes seem pretty fun and I'm sort of exited for the new year.
Happy New Year! [01/01/22]
Happy new year! Its strange to think that its already 2023. I honestly never imagined that this year would come. This is the year that most of my friends graduate. This is the year that I start my senior year of high school. This is the year I apply to college. Its crazy to think that so much time has passed, but it doesnt feel like any time has passed at all. I still feel like the 14 year old I was when we got the "two week break" in 2020. Time passing is crazy.
Assemblies [12/19/22]
Every week at school on Monday, we have an assembly. I'm not sure why we do these, as each assembly is the same. I decided to go today and they talked about getting ready for senior year. Same as always. I am getting nervous about senior year and becoming an adult. I don't know what I want to do in college and beyond. Growing up becomes less magical and more terrifying as you get older.
First Entry [?????]
I spent time in white space today. It was okay.